As we were leaving for dinner he glanced at my feet. “I just don’t see the point in a relationship with an expiration date,” he said flatly.“We could try long-distance,” I offered optimistically, but as I uttered the words I knew it would never work.How dating an older guy made me feel too young for my own good. I was spending it with my boyfriend and his friends (all of whom were a decade or so older), and our differences were palpable.Recently graduated, I felt directionless, but they had mortgages, established careers, and steady relationships.
I congratulated him, but I was struggling with this neat conclusion of loose ends. I was thinking about the big day, the inevitable jokes in the best man’s speech. For a fleeting moment I felt like the odd one out again, just as I had on New Year’s Eve.
My relationship with my boyfriend was slowly failing. In the meantime, my boyfriend had introduced me to R. Shaking hands and exchanging pleasantries, I wondered what he had heard about me. He had crinkly brown eyes, a crooked smile, and thick, dark hair.
My age, perhaps; the rest I preferred not to guess. He wore too much black; always a black sweater paired with navy or black jeans.
Moments later, beneath a blanket of darkness, we gravitated towards the center. Mostly, we were drinking Pimm's, or hosting barbeques, or lying in Hyde Park. His melancholy dominated conversations with searing intensity.
I stopped finding his self-deprecation adorable, instead finding him defeatist in ways I didn’t like or understand.
My boyfriend had ticked off two of those items and was ready for big commitment, which couldn’t have been further from my mind.