Pepper Schwartz Question from Carl: I recently started dating after a divorce. He is 22, and he has heard of "dating." Question from Guest: Men with gray hair are thought to look distinguished. And they are good introductions to social networking, and a good way to ease into trying an actual dating site. » Question from Leanne from Austin: What are the rules about dating and sex today? One of those things that you can pick on is whether you and this person have similar values.What advice would you give me as far as first date suggestions? And if waiting is important to you, I assure you there are people out there who feel the same.Should my courtship techniques be the same as when I was in my 20s? Question from Randi: What do you think about long-distance relationships? They take a lot of attention, by e-mail, by phone, sacrificing money because the cost can become difficult. Taking a walk, for example, can put a lot of pressure on two people who have just met. Question from Jeannie from Cleveland: My 22-year-old son lives in the house and I want to date. You might meet your early dates outside the house, or not bring them to the house unless the relationship is becoming more important. I don't think it's fair, but it's probably true that gray hair is a signal to men that a woman is older and he may or may not like her ability to embrace her own aging in that way. There are also sites that are primarily about friendship or finding someone to do things with. However, if you are conservative about sexuality, try and date someone who is also conservative about sexuality, and wants a deeper commitment first.Do I have to find an 80-year-old to be the younger woman?PS: No you don't, although there are some great 80-year-olds out there!Question from Janet: I don't even know where to begin. Almost all activities have either singles groups or mixed groups of singles and married people who are all devoted to the activity at hand.But remember, if you don't find someone interesting in the group, you should leave — don't get stuck in a place where there is no opportunity to meet someone.
Question from Guest: I am 59, and all of the men that I see are interested in younger women.
But just so you know, I was the lead witness against the don't-ask-don't-tell rule in federal court and I testified for gay marriage in Hawaii, and for gay adoption and foster-child placement in Arkansas. Just because you have had some intimate relationships that didn't work out, that doesn't predict the future. If you like to hike, you are likely to meet men who like to hike in a hiking club.
So please feel free to ask me questions that involve same-sex relationships, and I will be glad to try to be helpful. » Question from Sarah: I'm worried I have too much baggage to go back out there after a couple of failed marriages. On the other hand, if you don't think you know what ended those relationships and you don't feel wiser and more capable of a relationship now, then you should go see a therapist or counselor so you can solve some of your previous problems and get rid of the baggage. I haven't found anyone who likes to do the same things I do since my husband. If you like opera, join a group that supports opera.
PS: I think day trips for singles are a good idea, or maybe even three days.
But a longer trip, if you don't really find someone interesting, would be a problem if you were trapped, say, on a boat or mountaintop.
You can go online late at night and you can use your lunch hour to have coffee with the people you meet. The important point is that people who have kids learn pretty quickly that they need someone who also has kids, and guys are going to look for that, too.