The cause of the feeling of uncertainty, to state the obvious and critical, is that . Sinful humans, with all of our benefits, come with risks.Affection and vulnerability with a lack of covenantal commitment is a tension that can end in a naturally explosive way — either in a breakup or marriage.Understanding that anxiety is a proper reaction to the unsettled angst of an unfulfilled and covenantally unprotected relationship is the best starting place.We can say a dating relationship is protected and settled and safe, but it isn’t — no matter what dating philosophy one adheres to, the emotional escalation of dating leads either to a breakup or a marriage.First, we must try to understand the anxiety of the uncertain.Why does exclusive dating so often leave us undone?The answer is very clear: There are a lot of chips on the table and with blind odds.The risk in dating is never higher than when sharing intimate, vulnerable, breakable pieces of ourselves — in appropriate ways and at appropriate time — without any certainty this will lead to marriage.
Maybe the whole point of dating — and the fact that Scripture says so little about it — is that we don’t know what we’re doing, we can’t do it well (alone), and it isn’t sustainable.We are tempted to earn and secure love by our own power, and tempted to test others’ worthiness for our love.And yet we have a God who passionately endorses marriage as the norm for people, and is actively seeking to bless us.We’re betting a portion of our heart, without knowing how they will respond. More than that, when sinful people are put in a place of danger, they’re more prone to play God.We are most prone to try and seize control of the situation — of hearts, of circumstances, or of emotions, all in self-defensive ways that are tragically self-defeating. In self-perpetuating irony, magnifying all of the uncertainty and anxiety, we just end up multiplying our own pain and destroying the relationship.Indulging in anxiety in a dating relationship is like indulging in back-seat driving: It only makes everyone else more nervous and annoyed and doesn’t actually contribute anything positive.